Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Every Vote Counts

Well, the 2008 presidential campaign is rolling along at full force now, so it's time to start making some decisions. John McCain ("McLame") pretty much has the Republican nomination secured, but the Democratic ticket is still up for grabs. It's a tough choice between two top-notch candidates. That's why I'm here to help you decide.

During the last presidential election, someone had the genius to ask the American people, "Who would you rather have a beer with: George W. Bush or John Kerry?" Suddenly, all of the differences in politics, experience, and character of the two candidates were boiled down to a single, succinct question that everyone could understand. Like I said: genius. It's no surprise that the winner of that poll eventually won the election. So it only makes sense to ask a similar question of our current Democratic presidential candidates. Since the majority of this blog's readership is comprised of potheads and wackos, and since both candidates have a history of drug use (Clinton hasn't admitted as much, but let's be realistic), I ask you this: Which candidate would you rather smoke a joint with? Take the Concords Are Better poll!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Fine Art of Name-Calling

Hey folks,

Sorry for the long delay since my last post. I know it's been a bitterly cold winter, and it was wrong of me to deprive my fans of the warm, fuzzy feelings that my blog posts provide. I have an excuse, though: I spent much of the holiday season out of town (Portland and Albuquerque), and I recently got engaged (yes, there will soon be a Mrs. Concord). Plus, I've just been a lazy ass. In the grand scheme of things, this web journal kind of got pushed aside. But no longer. Your latest fix of blog heaven has arrived!

If you're like me, you've been paying close attention to the 2008 presidential race. And, if you're like me, you've noticed that something very important has been missing: nicknames. Yes, the history of American politics is filled with nicknames, and I would argue that this country's long tradition of political name-calling is what makes our nation so great. Here's a comprehensive list of past presidential nicknames, if you're not convinced. So I believe that it is my duty as an American citizen to provide you, dear readers, with the official list of nicknames for the 2008 presidential race.

First up is Barack Obama, who shall now be referred to as "Obamarama". I feel that this nickname accurately conveys the sense of youthful exuberance that has surrounded his campaign from the beginning. For Hillary Rodham Clinton, it's "Hillbilly", in partial reference to her redneck husband ("H-Rod" was a close runner-up). On the Republican side, you've got John McCain, who's nickname will be "McLame". Although this may be misinterpreted as an insensitive reference to his status as a physically disabled veteran, one must realize that his disability only involves his arms (which he is incapable of raising above his head) and not his legs. Okay, let's keep going...Mike Huckabee is now "The Huckster" ("Fuckamee" would be too risque for most people), and Mitt Romney shall be known simply as "The Mormon". Let's see, who's left? Oh yeah, there's Ron Paul ("Ru Paul") and Ralph Nader ("Nadir"), if he decides to run again. I think that covers it. Yesterday's Super Tuesday ("Supa Tuesday") results are in, and it looks like it's still a tight race for some candidates. Close enough, I think, that the new list of nicknames could very well tip the balance of the elections. Here's to an exciting race in 2008!

Brian ("Grape Boy")