Hey there,Another week, another blog post. That's my new resolution, anyway. You wouldn't believe the piles of mail I get begging me to blog more frequently. I won't argue the fact that I'm probably lazier than most bloggers, but you've got to admit that the quality of my posts is pretty freaking high. So in order to calm the rabid hysteria of my readership, I will try to write a new entry every week from now on. Now, I know what you're thinking: how can Mr. Grape Boy find the time to produce online brilliance every week? Read on.
Some of you may have already read the article in yesterday's NY Times about Philip M. Parker, the guy who's written 200,000 books. If you haven't, I encourage you to read about him here. The gist of the article is that he doesn't actually write anything; rather, he's programmed a computer to create books using complex algorithms which require very little human input. Search his name on Amazon.com and you'll find a seemingly endless list of books on topics ranging from acne rosacea to Indian bathmats. Apparently, these books are little more than lists of references and internet databases with some generic text inserted to make them feel like they were written by a person. It's a great idea, even if the result is not exactly compelling literature.
Here's where Concords Are Better comes in. In order to keep up with the demands of my devoted fans, I have designed a computer program (code name: LABRUSCA) to write all future entries for this blog. From now on, you will be reading a computer-generated post each week on a variety of subjects designed to appeal to the average Concords reader. LABRUSCA will choose a topic at random, link to a YouTube video, steal an image off the internet and upload it, throw in a few references to grapes or donuts, and tie it all together with some half-assed, sarcastic comments. In other words, these new posts should be virtually indistinguishable from ones I've written in the past. Hold on to your mousepads, my friends- the future is now!
4 comments:
I've said it before and I'll say it again: nature abhors a vacuum, and so does the blogosphere. And I personally deplore the content vacuum that has crept into "Concords Are Better" over the past few days or so. So, I've decided to take matters into my own hands, and start blogging here in the comments section. My subject today:
My 12 Favorite Japanese Movies
1. The Seven Samurai - who's gonna argue with this? Kurosawa's masterpiece, and it rocks! This moie is not only one of my favorite Japanese movies, it's one of my favorite movies ... period!
2. Woman in the Dunes - I have to credit Brian for introducing me to this movie, which was directed by Hiroshi Teshigahara. It also rocks, but in a different way than "Seven Samurai," though both are black-and-white. Kind of slow but completely engrossing, with amazing cinematography.
3. Godzilla - this movie introduced not only the modern-day monster movie genre, but Raymond Burr. At least, I'd never seen him anywhere before this movie. Along with unagi and mochi, one of Japan's most enduring contributions to world culture.
4. Nobody Knows - heartbreaking, unforgettable story of 4 kids fending for themselves in urban Japan after their mother abandons them. And you thought Macaulay Culkin was good in "Home Alone." See this!
5. Tampopo - I went through a big Juzo Itami kick back in the 90's or whenever, and I think this was my favorite Itami movie.
6. Rashomon - it it perhaps a testament to Kurosawa's greatness that two of his films have made this list. Everyone knows the general gist of Rashomon, so I won't bother to explain it here.
7. 2 Fast 2 Furious: Tokyo Drift - maybe they left Vin Diesel out of this sequel. It still haunts with its story of disenchanted youths drifting aimlessly around Tokyo in fancy cars. The video game's pretty good, too.
8. Hana-bi (Fireworks) - could you create a list like this without including Takeshi Kitano, who wrote, directed, starred in, and catered this film? I don't think so. You know, half of his face was paralyzed in a motorcycle accident, which kind of makes him the Japanese Sylvester Stallone. But this movie is much deeper than Rambo.
9. Raise the Red Lantern - I'm not sure if I saw this movie, exactly, but I do know that I've seen a movie with Gong Li. And she's ravishing! I would pay to see a Mr. Bean movie if she were in it. Domo arigato for everything, Gong!
10. The Host - this movie picks up where Godzilla left off. A tadpole- like monster emerges from the River Han and sends crowds of Japanese fleeing throughout Seoul, in the process kidnapping a young girl. Heartwrenching, spine-tingling, and thoroughly Japanese.
11. Ringu - thought I was going to forget this little number, didn't you? No way. I just wish Naomi Watts could have been in both the original AND the American remake. Gggrrrrrrr!
12. Wild Strawberries - technically, this isn't a Japanese movie; Ingemar Bergman was actually Swedish. I just couldn't think of another Japanese movie I liked that much. Hey Japan, why you not be making the kind of films I like? Damn! And I know some of you out there are saying, "What about Akira? Where's all the anime? And what about pornime?" I've got to admit, I'm just not too familiar with those genres. But maybe if we all raise a big-enough fuss, the guy who actually owns this blog will step up to the plate and start writing about that kind of stuff? Hmmmm?
Trevor,
My calculations indicate that the greatest Japanese movie ever made is "Voyage Into Space", aka "Giant Robot". As a paean to the wonders of modern technology, it warms my computer heart every time I watch it.
Fuck you, Labrusca, you damn computer! "Giant Robot" doesn't even hold a candle to "Wild Strawberries!"
wow, I thought this is what was happening all a long! so does that mean this blog is going to start dealing with topics that are a bit more in touch with the average adult who is stuck in a drive-thru line with four kids yelling about wanting hot dog, not a Big-Mac? rather than dealing with such random topics that wont be helping the average Bro riding in the fast lane to stay at home dad or, mega Mom with a trail in the morning and a BMW full of shin guard wearing preteens who only want her to leave so they can smoke a bong and talk about the way it was in the old day before they took that 80s show of the air...... WOW ... and I thought this blog was the bees knees.AND NOW YOU PROMISE MORE. I knew it, MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew it you are the bionic man or am I thinking of that robot form the movie Short circuit. Anyway that is not important or imported the point here is that this is great one of the finer things in life (despite not being more like 321 contact) is going beyond what could be expected by ANY bloger to assure us that we the fans are going to get just what we want!!!! that is more of what we love ... and at a pace that can only be described as astonishing!!!!! Way to go Dough Nut man! you never cease to keep the innovations coming. My only fear to all this mass-expansion is that our beloved Rupert _ _ _ (you know it starts with an M) will be trying to buy this place, like it is the Wall Street Journal or some other trash rag.
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